Diffusing // Chof Chet Tav
The Inner Sanctuary is an exploration of the 72 Kabbalistic Names of G-d. This is Name 8/72.
I write to you from my favorite coffee shop, adjacent to my favorite herbal shop. In a town that is no longer yet always will be home.
October has been a tense month for me. My clenched jaw would like me to tell you that this is an understatement. Even with all the de-stressing tools in my tool box, of which I have many. Including this name. Chof Hay Tav.
Last time I made it to the yoga studio I had the unfortunate realization when I looked in the mirror that my lower neck and upper shoulder region looked like that of a linebacker compared to all the other bodies in the room. Even the men.
Like I’m always bracing for impact.
With the first rainstorm that feels like the true mark of the beginning of Pacific Northwest fall, I feel the tension melting. We can only hold these things for so long til they come out, one way or another.
Like a red hot leaf, freshly fallen, soon to be brittle, brown, cold, wet, and eventually fertile compost.
The steam from my coffee helps.
The earthly/heavenly scents of sage, eucalyptus, spiced pear, cedar, lavender in soap, oils, candles, epsom salt baths, sauna.
Blowing the backyard leaves.
Hugging a horse’s neck.
Burying my face into my golden retriever.
Snuggling my sleeping children, watching their chest rise and fall.
Listening to them giggle and play while I thread a needlepoint Hanukkah craft.
Letting all my cares blow away in the wind. Taking shelter and coming home to myself in the comfort of a barn.
Diffusing negative energy. Transmuting stress to relaxation and comfort. Is there a better feeling?
How can we honor the stressed out versions of ourselves for serving their purpose, let them change from serene green to explosive yellow-orange-red, and when the time is right, let them fall?
This is one of the things I’m working on most these days.
Recognizing when something feels negative, and with intention, energy, and patience, moving away from the negativity or transforming it to something positive.
Here’s to not rushing the therapeutic moments, the writing piece, the luxurious craft, the keeping of house, the meal, the work out, the process.
To not rushing through life, but instead savoring the seasons. Even the hard ones.